Domestic Violence: Like a tree, we grow

Like trees, we continue to grow despite the struggles we face in life. The same is true for those who are victims of domestic violence. Once the violence is in your past, you can continue growing in a positive way.

This is a photo that captures the hands of an anonymous domestic violence survivor in Middle Tennessee.

Former Social Worker Alice Walker once wrote, "In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful."

Walker, who worked as a social worker in the 1960's, took part in the Civil Rights movement in Mississippi. She also won the 1983 Pulitzer Prize for her 1982 novel entitled, "The Color Purple."

Domestic Violence: Our Hands

Her past Domestic Violence... She wrote:

“Hands are so important. You see, they can teach us love and compassion or total fear.

I have used my hands to care for the sick and elderly for 28 years in nursing as a tech. I know what kindness looks like when you care for someone.

What I did not realize was for 13 years I had not shown myself kindness. I did finally one day no longer desire to live in abuse and I remember using my hands to pack my kids clothes and toys, turn off location devices and drive to a shelter. This was new and I deserved peace away from the abuse.

Abuse is not love nor is tolerance to abuse. Please love yourself by no longer allowing abuse in your life or others’ lives.”

Domestic Violence: Hands

Her hands, which have always been used to serve others, were busily making spaghetti. However, those same hands have been used in an attempt to block punches from her former husband. Those hands were used to open a prescription pill bottle in an attempt to end the suffering during an eight hour ordeal that started on a drive home.

After she downed the prescription pills in an effort to numb or end the physical pain, her husband yelled that if she died while he was hitting her, no one would find her body.

Looking back to December of 2016, the same man traded his wife for crack cocaine. He then got angry at her for his actions, which was when a beating that lasted for eight hours occurred.

During those eight hours she was punched in the face and chunks of her hair were pulled out. The incident started on the roadway leaving the man’s home where her husband pawned her off. She was beat on the side of the road until a truck driver stopped to offer the couple a ride as they were out of gas. The truck driver failed to realize that the husband was doing the beating.

She wrote, “A truck driver picked us up to get gas and he told the truck driver he picked me up because I got beat up, our 4 year old witnessed most of what happened. At one point he cried and his dad told him he better shut up or he will do the same to him. We finally got home and he knocked me around the bathroom. I was lying on the floor and he kicked me in my face. I tried killing myself by downing some pills. The last thing I remember before passing out was him choking me.”

She closed with, “Now I know that if you get hit once, get out.”

Art on the empty

A boy and a girl facing one another on an otherwise desolate wall outside of a closed down factory in Asheville, North Carolina.

The mural by Ian Brownlee is one of many painted on buildings in North Carolina. Ian’s words, “Don’t Stop Believing.”

Paintings on walls that guard the emptiness inside only go to make the emptiness more meaningful. Otherwise, the building would collapse in ugliness. Now, it can be overtaken by mother nature with a little dignity.

“We become aware of the void as we fill it.” ― Antonio Porchia, Poet (1885-1968)

From Michigan and never going back

I often meet people who have a face that is covered in tattoos and I think to myself that they are likely hiding from who they want to be or from who they are. I see sadness in the eyes of so many who live on the streets of America.

“I’m from Detroit, Michigan,” he told me while standing outside of a truck stop. While looking away he said, “I will never go back.”

As for the tattoos, “I was going to get my eyebrows tattooed like a clown, because life’s a joke and you have to laugh – if you don’t laugh then somethings wrong with you.”

“The reality of the other person is not in what he reveals to you, but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather what he does not say.” - Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

The roots grow stronger

The amazingly talented Dolly Parton once stated, “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” I think that can also be said for humans. We all have been through stormy periods of our life, some storms lasting longer than others. For many, domestic violence is like an ongoing storms that fails to subside. However, when the storm passes, you have much deeper roots and are able to overcome many obstacles that once held you back.

After I shot this photo, I asked her to write about her past. Below is what she said:

“I remember the overwhelming sense of relief as I escaped. No more walking on eggshells, hiding bruises, constant insults. I knew it would be hard rebuilding life after but it was so worth it. Finally free from that grip....Freedom! Free to be me, free to find my way without fear, hurt, heartache and pain.

To all the survivors and those that feel trapped and want out......you are beautiful. You are strong. You are worthy of self-respect, dignity, love the right way.

Getting away isn't easy, but I can promise you that it is worth it! Reach out to other survivors, to the resources out there.

There is a quote from the book ‘Why Does He do that,’ that I clung to afterwards. The quote read, “When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry because he was abusive. Abusers carry attitudes that produce fury.”. That quote helped me to realize it wasn't me and what I did. It was him and who he was.”

The hands of a 13 year old survivor

Domestic Violence: While taking this photo she told me, "I remember hiding in the closet." Today, she is 13 years old. 

“Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul.” 
― Dave Pelzer, A Child Called "It"

Hands

Hands are an amazing thing when you think about all that your hands have been through. Below are the hands of a woman who is raising three children while living in a specialized home for victims of domestic violence.

I am currently working on a big project with the local Domestic Violence Shelter and we are focusing on the hands of those who have suffered from domestic violence.

Hands tell a story, much like the eyes of someone suffering. Hands show scars and life in so many different ways.

I hope to post more details in the weeks to come. I am just excited to be working on such a project.

"I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person. There was such a glory over everything. The sun came up like gold through the trees, and I felt like I was in heaven." - Harriet Tubman, Conductor of the Underground Railroad (1820 - 1913)

He is now a registered sex offender after being abused

A sex offender by the name of James who lives in Middle Tennessee will soon find himself behind bars after violating his probation. He told us that he will likely spend the next six years in a small cell because of his actions.

James, whose last name I agreed not to use, said that more needs to be done in rehabilitating offenders. He further suggested that more needs to be done for those who are victims of sex abuse and treatment should be readily available.

The man whom I spoke to said that he was sexually abused by at least three adults as a child and the abuse was long term. As he grew older he never told anyone about the abuse and he levitated towards pornography.

Many victims of sexual abuse turn to drugs, alcohol, sex addiction or pornography as opposed to seeking help, so his addiction was not uncommon. That addiction later turned more dark as he started to have a fascination with child pornography. With his addiction in mind he went to his church for help...  However, the church basically shewed James away which grew his appetite for pornography.

After a separation from his wife and a lack of anyone to turn to, his addiction turned into real children, which was his next step. Luckily, he was arrested before real children came face to face with his pain.

Today James wants to be a voice for the abused and the accused so that others can get proper help before it is too late. 

While sitting in the California San Quentin State Prison he wrote:

Dear Lord,

How have I been so blind for so long? How did I ever think… ever conceive… that I understood your Grace?

I thought it a flickering candle, but have found it as strong and blinding as the sun.

I looked at it as an ember, a glowing coal of warmth. Instead, I’ve felt its inferno, roaring, raging, consuming me.

When I have said that your Grace is sufficient for me, I mistook it to be sufficient like a crust of bread thrown to a starving man. Enough to live on, but no more.

Instead, I find it as sufficient as the oceans are to fill a cup. The deserts to give a grain of sand or the forest to supply a single leaf.

For yours is an extravagant sufficiency.

Forgive me, Lord, for the sin of pride of thinking that your Grace could be understood. I could no sooner capture sunlight in my hands or the winds within my arms. I am so grateful that I do not have to rationalize your Grace to receive it, or comprehend it to be covered by it.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me just how little that I really understand. I can’t wait to spend my lifetime discovering how much I didn’t know.

Amen.

To hear the audio interview with James, click this LINK.

A real key to get inside the room

Walking into old and decaying motels is like stepping back into history. The doors that connect the adjoining rooms are narrow, which today would not be allowed. The walls were paper thin and you could likely hear even the faintest whisper from the neighboring television set, that had rabbit ears on the top.

Yet, there is something romantic about the simplicity of old structures. The bright colors that once adorned the walls. The idea of random people stopping along the highway for a good nights rest for $19 or less. The doors used a real key as opposed to a plastic card.

A roadside motel in ruins

What's left of an old roadside motel in North Carolina...

"There is something uniquely American about the motel: It speaks to the transient nature of America itself, one enabled and encouraged by our roads and highways."

- Hanya Yanagihara, American novelist and travel writer

Tupelo Honey of Asheville, NC

A master chef at work inside Tupelo Honey of Asheville, NC. 

Sober and Alive

Sobriety is a big thing in the lives of many. Others simply don’t understand the struggle.

Thomas Jefferson, yes… that is his real name, understands the reality of the struggle, but noted that it gets easier and easier over time. Thomas has been sober for eleven years. He once lived under a bridge during his drinking days, but those days are long behind him. Today he has his own place.

A tattoo of rosary beads and a cross wrapped around his right hand reminds him of his mother who was a devout Catholic. A bear claw necklace is around his neck along with a cougar tooth weaved into his hair. Both are from Indian mythology with the cougar being legendary to the Seminoles and the Shawnee tribes. The Pueblo tribes saw the cougar as a directional guardian. As for the bear claw, it represented a protector and symbolized courage, physical strength and leadership among Indians.

“I personally believe this: We have only today; yesterday's gone and tomorrow is uncertain. That's why they call it the present. And sobriety really is a gift... for those who are willing to receive it.” ― Ace Frehley, former lead guitarist and founding member of the rock band Kiss

She grows plants

She lives in a small North Carolina town with a population of 910 residents. She makes her living selling plants in front of her home that she once shared with her husband who passed away 14 years ago. “He put in that window,” she told me pointing at a window on the front of her home next to her small greenhouse made of plywood. Looking a bit annoyed she said, “Our town is mostly quiet if it weren’t for the fire station.”

She grows flowers, cabbage and tomatoes.

“The earth laughs in flowers.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is an open door?

An open door is not always an invitation to where you want to be.

“There are so many doors to open. I am impatient to begin." --Charlie Gordan” ― Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon (1959)

I shot this photo in a quiet area of North Carolina on the outskirts of the Pisgah National Forest. This photo is inside an old and deserted motel that sits on the edge of a creek. The motel is slowing caving in and mother nature is winning the battle.

Traveling to the tune of music

“Where are you guys headed,” I curiously asked because I am always way curious about everybody. She continued to pick the guitar and he enthusiastically responded, “New Orleans… We just got back from Nashville.”

“Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy.” - Ludwig van Beethoven

The Teacher

She is a lifetime teacher…

“I used to teach in Santa Cruz and later the Venice Beach area of California,” she recalled. I would imagine that she was no ordinary teacher in her time, but instead a great teacher, “I’m originally from California and I would take the students to the beach and we would write in the sand.”

In Asheville, North Carolina where she lives today, she taught at several charter schools before retiring. "I've been blessed, very blessed," she said to me. 

While retired she helps people to realize their dreams and then chase them so that dreams can become reality.

Before I walked away her words to me, "Let me give you a hug, everyone needs a grandma hug!" 

“There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fill you with so much quail shot that you can't move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies.” ― Robert Frost

He is Homeward Bound

James is currently homeless, but on the way to housing within the next few weeks thanks to a nonprofit in Asheville, North Carolina called Homeward Bound.

I asked him why he is homeless and he took a breath of cool March air while sitting in the sunshine on a street corner and said, “I have made lots of mistakes in my life – I have no one to blame but myself.” He then explained how he has tried just about every drug known to man, other than shooting up heroin.

“I am laying everything with God – he can figure it out,” he said while looking at the sky. “The way I see it, I came here with nothing and I’ll leave here with nothing. Some people don’t understand that,” he told me.

With a relaxed look he told me, “I’m gonna be getting a place here soon and I can’t wait – I can pay for it myself with my disability check.”

Originally from Polk County, North Carolina, James moved to Asheville because it was a larger city that offers more services and help to those who are homeless. Polk County has a population of about 20,000 residents while Asheville has a population of 87,000.

As I walked away he stopped me to give me an address. "Mail me those pictures," he told me with a slight chuckle.

He said he was a Jesus Freak

Asheville, North Carolina: While I usually photograph people in their natural state, I had to capture this man’s sense of humor and joy. The second he saw my camera he started making faces and laughing.

“I was ordained a minister the year after I graduated from high school by the Church of God Jesus Freaks,” he told me. “That was in 1971,” he said with a smile.

For those who remember the 1970’s, the Jesus Movement was something that started on the West Coast and made its way across America. Members of the movement were often called “Jesus People” or “Jesus Freaks.”

The so called freaks were an effective Christian force in times of major change between the mid 1960’s and into the 70’s. The young adults that were part of the movement had the ability and love of life to mix with a variety of crowds, some of whom were on LSD, following the likes of Charles Manson and more. In other words, the “Jesus Freaks” were able to grab a hold of misguided youth and help them turn their lives around before the drugs overtook them.

A Time magazine article in 1971 suggested, “Their love seems more sincere than a slogan, deeper than the fast-fading sentiments of the flower children.”

Despite the movement breaking apart in the late 1980’s, it did lead to some major changes in churches that can still be seen today. The movement led to new music in churches and what some call today the “Christian Right” and the “Christian Left.”

Rest

Taking a rest after a days work in Mexico City where minimum wage is about $4.25 per day (U.S.$).