Domestic Violence and Rape: Dark Photograph of the Past

If you saw her today, you would never know of her past that holds a brutal memory.

“He was a body builder,” she told me in describing her college sweetheart. Little did she know there was a monster behind his eyes.

After a few months of dating, she noticed John’s temper would easily flair. Sometimes he would jerk her around by her hair or grab her arm. Needless to say, it didn’t take long for Anne Henslee to decide that she needed to end the relationship.

After the breakup and fresh out of college, she returned to her apartment one night to find that John was waiting for her. Henslee stated,  “He was hiding in the bushes and jumped out of the bushes and grabbed my key’s out of my hand - -  he took me into my apartment and beat me up all night long… raped me.”

The attack occurred in Knoxville, Tennessee where she attended college in the 1970’s. Back then, such incidents were not taken as serious as they are today. Too many times the victim would be blamed by police for playing a role in the rape or domestic violence case. Therefore, Henslee never filed charges against John. However, a woman involved in a later relationship with the man did file charges after she was raped. John was eventually found guilty in that case and was sentenced to prison.

Today, Henslee shares her story with middle school and high school students in an effort to educate children before such relationships can lead to abuse or sexual assault.

This is Anne Henslee’s story (Below):

Domestic Violence Hands Project: 

Rutherford County, Tenn. Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Center was awarded a grant from Tennessee Arts Commission and Arts Build Communities (ABC) for "These Hands - Hope and Healing," a photographic journal project that showcases domestic violence and sexual assault survivors.

The Tennessee Arts Commission's mission is to cultivate the arts for the benefit of all Tennesseans and their communities. They invest in over 600 nonprofits and schools impacting communities in many positive ways including quality of life, economic development, and tourism.

These Hands photographic project gives a confidential voice to the survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault through their hands and their story. With domestic violence and sexual assault survivors, it is so often the hands that inflict the most hurt, violence, and trauma. We are conveying strength, hope, and recovery through our photographic story.

"The harrowing, real-life stories of domestic violence and sexual assault can be difficult to share with our community because the protection of these people is critical, to say the least," said Kara Mischke, Community Relations Manager with Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Center. "This photographic journal project is truly going to allow others to connect with these real stories on a whole new level. Art is powerful. Art is healing."

Participating survivor's stories and hands will be unveiled in partnership with the talented photographer, blogger, and radio personality, Scott Walker - www.smalltownbigworld.org. Our story is that hands are for so much more that is positive and good. Hands are for healing, helping, loving, holding, and most of all caring and empowering those around us to make our world a better place.

Hands of the Violent Man

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This photo is the most recent in the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center “Hand Project.” The goal is to show the wicked face of domestic violence without actually showing the face of those who suffered.

This woman, who is 53 today, talked about her ex and the violence and torment he caused in a way that would make one vomit. At one point, he broke her ankle so that she could not run from him. When her left ankle finally healed, he broke her right ankle.

To hear a short clip of her story, listen to the audio below: 

“In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator.”

— Judith Lewis Herman, "Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence"

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She hides her scars beneath her clothing

Surrounded by trees adorned with thorns in Murfreesboro, Tennessee stands 19 year old Crystal Chaney. The Alabama native is maybe 100 pounds on a day she has eaten a full meal. Crystal and her boyfriend David are homeless. - SCROLL DOWN FOR AUDIO

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Crystal has burn scars on her arms, hands and legs from when her father allegedly poured scalding hot coffee on her. 

You often hear stories about people who have overcome massive obstacles in life, but seldom do you meet the folks who have. Crystal has one of those stories and is on her way to overcoming her past.

She never made it past the 10th grade in school, life was just too much at times and education was definitely the last thing on her mind. She told me that coming home to an alcoholic mother each day was one of the many obstacles she faced. Of course, that is after a day in school where she was bullied by others due to her appearance.

On first glance you wouldn’t realize anything was wrong with Crystal, but her coat and pants are hiding the scars that likely haunt her at night.

At 11 months of age Crystal was hit with trauma that resulted in multiple skin grafts over her childhood years. She told me that her father was mad at her mom one night and poured scalding hot coffee all over her. At the time, Crystal was in a walker.

She told me that her father was sentenced to prison and she has not talked to him… ever. Keep in mind she was only 11 months of age when she received the burns due to the hot coffee.

Letters were sent to her from her father, but her mother was said to have kept the mail never allowing Crystal to see it.

Today, Crystal and her boyfriend David are on the search for a job. Needless to say, that employment could not come soon enough so that the couple can get an apartment that will allow for them to stay out of the cold this winter.

Below is a short interview by Scott Walker with Crystal (4 MIN and 47 SEC):

“No matter what, I would never let the people who wanted me to break see how much damage they had inflicted.”  ― Rachel L. Schade, Silent Kingdom

These Hands and me

The above photo and below description is part of the Rutherford County Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Center “These Hands - Hope and Healing," photographic journal project that showcases domestic violence and sexual assault survivors.

These Hands

"I am a survivor of domestic violence and child sexual abuse. This year I used these hands to write A Call for Help and I’m So Sorry."

- - -
Call for Help

"We were battered and abused
because my mother believed my father when he said,
I'm so sorry.

In 1920
when my mother was six
my grandmother
believed it, too.

In 1955
when I was six
my mother stopped
believing it.

Her willingness
}to Call for Help
destroyed the curses
of alcoholism and violence
and restored the blessings
of sobriety and peace."

- - -
I'm So Sorry

"Love indifference
Contempt regret

Where shame and guilt
Is what you get

Of all the lies
It’s a safe bet
I'm so sorry’s
The biggest yet"

- - -
About The Photo:

"By 1957 my mom and I were out of his reach and safe and sound. I was in the Cub Scouts when I made the plaster imprint of my hand. I gave it to my mom for her Mother’s Day gift. She loved it. It was a good day." - John Schmueser ©2017

Domestic Violence: Fighting with the barrel of a shotgun in TN

On Tuesday, I went with Karen Lampler from the Domestic Violence Program in Murfreesboro to visit with a domestic violence survivor who was almost killed when her husband beat her 21 years ago.

After the attack in 1996, Teva Jane Chaffin ended up at Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville and her now ex-husband was arrested. He spent 9 years in prison until he was paroled and eventually re-arrested for his role in beating up another woman.

After Chaffin was beat within an inch of her life, she suffered from major brain related injuries that put her on a third grade cognitive level – meaning she had to relearn nearly everything.

The audio interview with Chaffin is below, I invite you to listen to the short 14-minute interview. 

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Above is a photo of Teva Jane while being cared for at Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville, TN. 

“In violence we forget who we are.”

— Mary McCarthy

Today, Chaffin spends her time making jewelry, which is her way of healing. You can find her handmade jewelry online at TevaJane.com. Below are just a few of the pieces that Chaffin made. 

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Psalms 96

She is a domestic violence survivor in Middle Tennessee and she is holding her Bible open to one of her favorite verses, Psalms 96:

1 Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth.

2 Sing to the LORD, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day.

3 Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

4 For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.

5 For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens.

6 Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary.

7 Ascribe to the LORD, all you families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.

8 Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts.

9 Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth.

10 Say among the nations, “The LORD reigns.” The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; he will judge the peoples with equity.

11 Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it.

12 Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.

13 Let all creation rejoice before the LORD, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his faithfulness.

Domestic Violence: My hands write

“I used to wake up some days and wished I’d have stayed asleep, because I went to bed on top of the world - Today, the world is on top of me,” she wrote after telling me that she has a story to tell. “I want to write a book,” she explained. She then said, “People wouldn’t believe what I have been through.”

She is quiet, yet strong. She is a domestic violence survivor who lives in Middle Tennessee.

The young lady, probably in her mid-twenties, then wrote, “These hands and I are headed for GREATNESS and touching everything I was told I would never see.”

Domestic violence is very real.

Domestic Violence

His hands helped to defend domestic violence. Today, he writes music and learns from the past.

Domestic Violence has a massive impact on society, all of which is negative. Did you realize, “Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.” Source: Frieze, I.H., Browne, A. (1989) Violence in Marriage.

She can now run free

Hands of a Domestic Violence survivor. She wrote:

“My children saw them first. "How did you get those bruises, Mom?" I looked in the mirror and saw the ring of dark splotches around my upper arms, fingerprints from where he'd grabbed and shaken me the night before. But, he didn't hit me.

My head was often tender from being banged against a wall.

My hip sported a large bruise and it hurt to walk after he shoved me hard to the ground.

My back bled from a cut I received during a struggle. But, I told myself, it was just a small cut.

During sex, he choked me and made me do things I was ashamed of. I was scared; I fought him; it did not matter; he did not stop.

But he wasn't violent, right? He didn't hit me.

My husband's rages occurred multiple times a week, sometimes during the day, usually at night, and lasted for hours. His nose would touch mine as he screamed profanities in my face. He threw things, punched walls, and spit on me. These were his favorite things to say: I was worthless garbage, a whore, a waste, a piece of trash, so terrible in bed that no man would ever want to touch me, a c-nt. My husband told me that I was such a nightmare he'd have to kill himself to get away from me. Then, as I began to grow depressed, he worked on convincing me I needed to kill my own self. I will never forget the first time he looked me straight in the eye and very calmly and matter-of-factly stated, "Why are you still breathing? You're nothing but trash. You should be dead. You need to go kill yourself." As this went on, I began to believe him until it became absolute truth in my mind. I should be dead.

In a 2-3 year period, I went from being happy and healthy to suicidal and extremely ill. I rarely slept, vomited up most of my meals, lost weight, and had no strength. I was forced into a medical leave from work, and my doctor banned me from any form of exercise as my body needed every bit of energy to keep alive. I had been a runner, a dancer, an outdoor enthusiast. I was now a shell, someone God never intended me to be.

I don't know that I ever would have left him on my own. I did not recognize the violence for what it was, and I was too ashamed to tell anyone what was going on. It took a gun-related incident to finally end it. I had no idea how physically and emotionally sick I had gotten until he was out of my life. The suicidal thoughts vanished. I am now sleeping, eating, and not throwing up. I've gained weight. My health is slowly coming back. Recently I was able to lace up my shoes and go running again. My kids and I have peace. I laugh, and I laugh, and I laugh. I am filled with the joy of the Lord, for I am now free!”

Before I left she told me that she spent many nights sleeping or hiding in the bushes next to the entrance of her middle class neighborhood. Other nights, she would sleep in her car while parked in a well-lit parking lot.

Never Again

Hands of a domestic violence survivor - Middle Tennessee. 

"Just tell the nurse you slipped and fell
It starts to sting as it starts to swell
She looks at you, she wants the truth
It's right out there in the waiting room with those hands
Lookin' just as sweet as he can, never again"
-Nickelback, Never Again

He Humiliated Me

Domestic Violence in Tennessee... She wrote:

"He raped me, he beat the crap out of me, he humiliated me, he stripped me of my identity, and many times left me crying on the floor.

I have been to jail on Easter, it marks 1 year Sunday, I went and they let him go. I called them and they took me.

But, through it all I always screamed and begged God to help me get away. And he kept his promise!

I am free and none of it matters anymore! He is the last dark secret in my closet and I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually set free because of God whispering to me, You Got This!

That is my story."

Domestic Violence: Like a tree, we grow

Like trees, we continue to grow despite the struggles we face in life. The same is true for those who are victims of domestic violence. Once the violence is in your past, you can continue growing in a positive way.

This is a photo that captures the hands of an anonymous domestic violence survivor in Middle Tennessee.

Former Social Worker Alice Walker once wrote, "In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful."

Walker, who worked as a social worker in the 1960's, took part in the Civil Rights movement in Mississippi. She also won the 1983 Pulitzer Prize for her 1982 novel entitled, "The Color Purple."

Domestic Violence: Our Hands

Her past Domestic Violence... She wrote:

“Hands are so important. You see, they can teach us love and compassion or total fear.

I have used my hands to care for the sick and elderly for 28 years in nursing as a tech. I know what kindness looks like when you care for someone.

What I did not realize was for 13 years I had not shown myself kindness. I did finally one day no longer desire to live in abuse and I remember using my hands to pack my kids clothes and toys, turn off location devices and drive to a shelter. This was new and I deserved peace away from the abuse.

Abuse is not love nor is tolerance to abuse. Please love yourself by no longer allowing abuse in your life or others’ lives.”

Domestic Violence: Hands

Her hands, which have always been used to serve others, were busily making spaghetti. However, those same hands have been used in an attempt to block punches from her former husband. Those hands were used to open a prescription pill bottle in an attempt to end the suffering during an eight hour ordeal that started on a drive home.

After she downed the prescription pills in an effort to numb or end the physical pain, her husband yelled that if she died while he was hitting her, no one would find her body.

Looking back to December of 2016, the same man traded his wife for crack cocaine. He then got angry at her for his actions, which was when a beating that lasted for eight hours occurred.

During those eight hours she was punched in the face and chunks of her hair were pulled out. The incident started on the roadway leaving the man’s home where her husband pawned her off. She was beat on the side of the road until a truck driver stopped to offer the couple a ride as they were out of gas. The truck driver failed to realize that the husband was doing the beating.

She wrote, “A truck driver picked us up to get gas and he told the truck driver he picked me up because I got beat up, our 4 year old witnessed most of what happened. At one point he cried and his dad told him he better shut up or he will do the same to him. We finally got home and he knocked me around the bathroom. I was lying on the floor and he kicked me in my face. I tried killing myself by downing some pills. The last thing I remember before passing out was him choking me.”

She closed with, “Now I know that if you get hit once, get out.”

The roots grow stronger

The amazingly talented Dolly Parton once stated, “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” I think that can also be said for humans. We all have been through stormy periods of our life, some storms lasting longer than others. For many, domestic violence is like an ongoing storms that fails to subside. However, when the storm passes, you have much deeper roots and are able to overcome many obstacles that once held you back.

After I shot this photo, I asked her to write about her past. Below is what she said:

“I remember the overwhelming sense of relief as I escaped. No more walking on eggshells, hiding bruises, constant insults. I knew it would be hard rebuilding life after but it was so worth it. Finally free from that grip....Freedom! Free to be me, free to find my way without fear, hurt, heartache and pain.

To all the survivors and those that feel trapped and want out......you are beautiful. You are strong. You are worthy of self-respect, dignity, love the right way.

Getting away isn't easy, but I can promise you that it is worth it! Reach out to other survivors, to the resources out there.

There is a quote from the book ‘Why Does He do that,’ that I clung to afterwards. The quote read, “When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry because he was abusive. Abusers carry attitudes that produce fury.”. That quote helped me to realize it wasn't me and what I did. It was him and who he was.”

The hands of a 13 year old survivor

Domestic Violence: While taking this photo she told me, "I remember hiding in the closet." Today, she is 13 years old. 

“Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul.” 
― Dave Pelzer, A Child Called "It"

Hands

Hands are an amazing thing when you think about all that your hands have been through. Below are the hands of a woman who is raising three children while living in a specialized home for victims of domestic violence.

I am currently working on a big project with the local Domestic Violence Shelter and we are focusing on the hands of those who have suffered from domestic violence.

Hands tell a story, much like the eyes of someone suffering. Hands show scars and life in so many different ways.

I hope to post more details in the weeks to come. I am just excited to be working on such a project.

"I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person. There was such a glory over everything. The sun came up like gold through the trees, and I felt like I was in heaven." - Harriet Tubman, Conductor of the Underground Railroad (1820 - 1913)

We take teeth for granted

Her father died of cancer in 1994. About three years later, her mother died.

Heather basically became homeless on the night of her high school prom, the night that was supposed to be one the most memorable became one of the most unbearable. During the night of her prom, her mother took her very last breath due to cancer – just three years after her father died of the same disease. From that night on, she had few places to go.

She later got married and eventually had a daughter. Her husband proved to be abusive knocking her teeth out so the relationship came to a close.

When I met Heather near a wooded area that she calls home today, she told me that teeth would give her self-esteem and confidence as she tries to rebuild.

I turned to Dr. Jess Sinquefield who has helped others who were homeless in the past. Knowing this would be an expensive undertaking for the staff atSinquefield Family Dentistry, I was unsure as to what his reaction would be when I asked if he could help Heather.

I was excited when Dr. Sinquefield told me that he would be happy to help Heather and expect nothing in return, not even a penny.

Heather just turned 38 and today she has a new job, a new found confidence and a smile that beams from ear to ear. Her teeth are as white as snow and she is excited about life, despite where she lives today.

Her next goal is aimed at getting an apartment and her daughter back. She also has dreams of going back to school and becoming a nurse. She told me that she also loves animals so may consider going into the field of veterinary practices. Regardless of what she picks, she will be helping others.

I have to say that despite of her living situation, I have seen her with her daughter and she is one of the best mothers I have ever seen. Heather's daughter is extremely well mannered, kind and loving. I am excited for the next chapter in her life.

The late Dr. Stephen Covey once stated, "Do not tie yourself to your past; tie yourself to your potential."

On the Streets: Standing Up for Women

Life on the streets: “I was drinking when I saw a man push a woman, trying to get her to leave. I stood up for her and told him not to do that to her and that she was a grown woman, she can do what she wants to do. That’s when he hit me,” he told me. He now has two black eyes and stitches above his right eye.

Desmond Mpilo Tutu stated, “It is by standing up for the rights of girls and women that we truly measure up as men.”

Bishop Tutu is a South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop who rose to worldwide fame during the 1980s as an opponent of apartheid. Apartheid was a system of racial segregation in South Africa enforced through legislation by the National Party (NP), the governing party from 1948 to 1994.