Hands of the Violent Man

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This photo is the most recent in the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center “Hand Project.” The goal is to show the wicked face of domestic violence without actually showing the face of those who suffered.

This woman, who is 53 today, talked about her ex and the violence and torment he caused in a way that would make one vomit. At one point, he broke her ankle so that she could not run from him. When her left ankle finally healed, he broke her right ankle.

To hear a short clip of her story, listen to the audio below: 

“In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator.”

— Judith Lewis Herman, "Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence"

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These Hands and me

The above photo and below description is part of the Rutherford County Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Center “These Hands - Hope and Healing," photographic journal project that showcases domestic violence and sexual assault survivors.

These Hands

"I am a survivor of domestic violence and child sexual abuse. This year I used these hands to write A Call for Help and I’m So Sorry."

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Call for Help

"We were battered and abused
because my mother believed my father when he said,
I'm so sorry.

In 1920
when my mother was six
my grandmother
believed it, too.

In 1955
when I was six
my mother stopped
believing it.

Her willingness
}to Call for Help
destroyed the curses
of alcoholism and violence
and restored the blessings
of sobriety and peace."

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I'm So Sorry

"Love indifference
Contempt regret

Where shame and guilt
Is what you get

Of all the lies
It’s a safe bet
I'm so sorry’s
The biggest yet"

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About The Photo:

"By 1957 my mom and I were out of his reach and safe and sound. I was in the Cub Scouts when I made the plaster imprint of my hand. I gave it to my mom for her Mother’s Day gift. She loved it. It was a good day." - John Schmueser ©2017

Never Again

Hands of a domestic violence survivor - Middle Tennessee. 

"Just tell the nurse you slipped and fell
It starts to sting as it starts to swell
She looks at you, she wants the truth
It's right out there in the waiting room with those hands
Lookin' just as sweet as he can, never again"
-Nickelback, Never Again

Domestic Violence: Hands

Her hands, which have always been used to serve others, were busily making spaghetti. However, those same hands have been used in an attempt to block punches from her former husband. Those hands were used to open a prescription pill bottle in an attempt to end the suffering during an eight hour ordeal that started on a drive home.

After she downed the prescription pills in an effort to numb or end the physical pain, her husband yelled that if she died while he was hitting her, no one would find her body.

Looking back to December of 2016, the same man traded his wife for crack cocaine. He then got angry at her for his actions, which was when a beating that lasted for eight hours occurred.

During those eight hours she was punched in the face and chunks of her hair were pulled out. The incident started on the roadway leaving the man’s home where her husband pawned her off. She was beat on the side of the road until a truck driver stopped to offer the couple a ride as they were out of gas. The truck driver failed to realize that the husband was doing the beating.

She wrote, “A truck driver picked us up to get gas and he told the truck driver he picked me up because I got beat up, our 4 year old witnessed most of what happened. At one point he cried and his dad told him he better shut up or he will do the same to him. We finally got home and he knocked me around the bathroom. I was lying on the floor and he kicked me in my face. I tried killing myself by downing some pills. The last thing I remember before passing out was him choking me.”

She closed with, “Now I know that if you get hit once, get out.”

The roots grow stronger

The amazingly talented Dolly Parton once stated, “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” I think that can also be said for humans. We all have been through stormy periods of our life, some storms lasting longer than others. For many, domestic violence is like an ongoing storms that fails to subside. However, when the storm passes, you have much deeper roots and are able to overcome many obstacles that once held you back.

After I shot this photo, I asked her to write about her past. Below is what she said:

“I remember the overwhelming sense of relief as I escaped. No more walking on eggshells, hiding bruises, constant insults. I knew it would be hard rebuilding life after but it was so worth it. Finally free from that grip....Freedom! Free to be me, free to find my way without fear, hurt, heartache and pain.

To all the survivors and those that feel trapped and want out......you are beautiful. You are strong. You are worthy of self-respect, dignity, love the right way.

Getting away isn't easy, but I can promise you that it is worth it! Reach out to other survivors, to the resources out there.

There is a quote from the book ‘Why Does He do that,’ that I clung to afterwards. The quote read, “When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry because he was abusive. Abusers carry attitudes that produce fury.”. That quote helped me to realize it wasn't me and what I did. It was him and who he was.”