Urban Decay in Florida

Empty, abandoned, deserted or vacant are all similar in so many ways... They are all alone or without any.

Jon Krakauer, author of "Into the Wild" wrote about the detriment of loneliness based on the last days of life for a man named Christopher McCandless who ceased all communication with friends in 1990 after college graduation.

McCandless went on an Alaskan journey where he lived on his own, alone. He lived for 112 days in an abandoned bus before dying.

“Happiness is only real when shared." - Christopher McCandless

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To feel that way or to be in that place is to be without the help of others. It is a humbling experience that some pick while others are forced to receive due to the circumstances of life.
However you arrived at the empty place, you should not make an effort at staying at that location as it will only equal more loneliness.

An article in Psychology Today suggested that being lonely can equal real physical pain. The article stated:

“In one experiment, the use of Tylenol lessened the aches of loneliness. With a dose of acetaminophen, scans of lonely individuals showed reduced activity in pain-processing areas of the brain. In addition, loneliness heightens the fight-or-flight response—a physiological reaction when a person faces harm or danger. This heightened response can make a person irritable, even angry. The sense of threat may feed a detrimental cycle of isolation and disconnection.”

Photo: Abandoned motel on the back roads to Florida.

Jimmy + Kathy

Jimmy and Kathy: They have been together for 15 years. Some of those years spent in motels and other years an apartment. Some of their time has been in hospitals while other times have been on the streets. A few ups and a few downs. 15 years. 

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This photo was taken just two days before Jimmy passed away. 

Today I received a phone call from Mrs. Kathy... Jimmy died.

You may recall the photo I posted of the two kissing just two days ago. I took that picture not realizing that would be the last motel they ever check into together.

Shortly after Jimmy died today (2/5/18), I gave that photo to Kathy and she said that she would talk to it tonight while asking if he has really passed away.

While in her motel room Charlie Jenkins from Medical Necessities pulled up and Kathy looked out her window and said, "I called about getting Jimmy's oxygen delivered this morning." I met the man outside their room and told him the news. He asked, "Do you mind if I talk to her?" I invited him inside.

As Charlie entered the room he told her how sorry he was for her loss and then put his hand on her shoulder. She started crying and he said, "I will pray for you." He then said it again, "I will pray for you."

The words that followed were unexpected. He said to Kathy, "I understand what you're going through - loss is hard... " He then told her about the loss of his 7 year old daughter due to cancer.

All loss is sad, but you never know what someone is going through... ever.

“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. ”

— Max Mülle, (1823-1900) a German-born philologist and Orientalist

His step father called him retarded over and over

They sat quietly in their small motel room rolling their own cigarettes to save money. Everything they own was inside the small 12 X 17 foot room that was coated in a smoke filled purple. Lamps lit the space occupied by the couple and their small dog.

Daniel told me the most painful thing he grew up with was his adopted father calling him retarded time and time again due to his learning disability. He said that his step father, who is actually his uncle that adopted him at age two, told him that he would amount to nothing.

Cassie said the most painful memory she has was that her father would tell her that she should not love her mother. Of course, she lived with her mother and three siblings. It was her mother that raised her, fought for her and held down a job while living in a motel so that Cassie and the others would have a place to sleep. 

Once you are down, it is hard to get back up. Cassie explained that not too many months back, she had to stay at the motel where her mother lives for two weeks while her mom was hospitalized. She stayed in her mother’s room to look after her two younger siblings that had to be in school each day while her mother clung to life with her kidneys and even heart slowly shutting down. 

Like Cassie, her mother is a fighter. She survived. But, it is one thing after another when you are at the bottom. A $20 bill can feel like a $4,000 bill. A $600 motel room is likely equivalent to a $5,000 house payment when you can barely afford food. Help for depression, it is almost nonexistent, as explained by Cassie while sitting in her dimly lit room.

Hear the entire story below (8MIN and 41SEC):

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." - Vince Lombardi

A real key to get inside the room

Walking into old and decaying motels is like stepping back into history. The doors that connect the adjoining rooms are narrow, which today would not be allowed. The walls were paper thin and you could likely hear even the faintest whisper from the neighboring television set, that had rabbit ears on the top.

Yet, there is something romantic about the simplicity of old structures. The bright colors that once adorned the walls. The idea of random people stopping along the highway for a good nights rest for $19 or less. The doors used a real key as opposed to a plastic card.

A roadside motel in ruins

What's left of an old roadside motel in North Carolina...

"There is something uniquely American about the motel: It speaks to the transient nature of America itself, one enabled and encouraged by our roads and highways."

- Hanya Yanagihara, American novelist and travel writer

Prostitution feeding crack

She came to Nashville after getting married a number of years back. The marriage ended and she was soon on the streets.   Her speech was badly slurred and I asked, “What is your drug of choice?” She told me crack cocaine.

As we continued to talk a car drove by and she asked me to put away my recorder and camera. I asked why and she said, “That was my daughter, she’ll turn around and come back by to see what’s going on.”

I met Nicole by knocking on random doors of motels that most of us would never venture into the parking lot of, much less a room. The 40-year old woman is a prostitute and said that she makes about $1,000 per week. Of course, most of that is spent feeding her addiction which is out of control today.

I asked, “Is it a hard life that you live?” She looked down and responded, “Sometimes. You feel guilty for a while, then after a while you don’t. I’ve been out here a long, long time.” Struggling to find out why she prostitutes and uses crack I inquired, “Do you feel like your emotions are gone?” She looked up, “Yea, yea…” I came back with, “Is that ever a struggle in itself that you feel emotionless?”  She said, “Ummm, sometimes, yea.”

She told me that she left her family because of drug use and they no longer talk to her.

Addiction is a symptom of a bigger life problem or struggle. She never told me why she originally turned to crack and later prostitution to feed her addiction.

The great poet Edgar Allan Poe had the best statement I have ever read on addiction. He stated, “I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.” To me, that explains the unthinkable reason as to why so many spiral out of control. 

He mixes his daily food in a blender

My friend and I went to some of the dirtiest and darkest motels in Nashville and randomly knocked on doors. While doing so we met Mr. Jerry. He is 60-years old and has cancer in his mouth. 
About three years ago his teeth were removed along with part of his jawbone during treatment. Doctors used a bone from his leg to make a new jaw, but it left him unable to chew which required a feeding tube. I asked him where they got the bone from and he replied, “[Pulling up a pant leg] This is where they cut a section of the bone to use for my jaw [Pointing at a 6-inch scar just above his ankle]”. 

In late 2013 his feeding tube came out of his stomach, but Jerry did not want to go back to the hospital in fear of having another MRI. The Nashville native is claustrophobic and won’t have another MRI, but is open to other cancer treatment options, but has no one to turn to nor can he afford taxi trips to and from Vanderbilt Medical Center. The cancer is still active and his mouth is badly swollen and painful. 

After the feeding tube came out in 2013, he started blending his food in a blender to drink. As he talked he pulled up his shirt to show us where the feeding tube went in, “It healed and it now looks like I have two belly buttons [laughing].” He told me that he would prefer to drink Ensure instead of blending food, but does not have the money to pay for it. I told him not to worry, we would find folks to donate it. 

Jerry has not always been disabled. In his younger days he was married and worked for Ford Manufacturing in Georgia. However, he fell while working on machinery and broke his back. He still receives a small check from Ford for his injury, but it does not even cover the cost to rent a motel room. His state disability check helps to pay for the room. His marriage fell apart somewhere between Ford and cancer.

Despite his sadness of being all alone and ill, he still holds true to a love of cars. While he cannot drive and is wheelchair bound, he collects remote control cars. He often races them through his motel parking lot. He crashed one about a week ago and had to order a new part for it. “This car will do 100 actual miles per hour,” he said while holding up the instruction manual for it. 

The late president Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 – 1945) once stated, “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” Roosevelt new pain well. He suffered from Polio and despite becoming paralyzed at age 39 from the waist down, he refused to look at himself as being disabled. 

You sometimes see sadness in their eyes

You can see sadness in the eyes of so many.

I first met Jimmy in 2013 when a friend and I randomly knocked on the doors of a rundown motel. He was one of the many who invited us inside. At the time, his room was filled with Bibles and Christian study guides. That room was later broken into and his girlfriend had money and other valuables stolen. The two later moved out at the start of 2015.

Today they live in their very own apartment. The apartment is far nicer than the dingy motel room that they once called home. The Bibles still line the room along with Kathy’s collection of stuffed animals. But, I still see the sadness in their eyes upon each visit.

Jimmy will turn 46 in June of 2016.

American actress and singer Taraji P. Henson stated, “Every human walks around with a certain kind of sadness. They may not wear it on their sleeves, but it's there if you look deep.”

Empty Places: Another ghost town building of America

I love to go urban exploring. Here is a deserted roadside motel I found on a hillside in Tennessee. Overgrown, no sign of life.