Prostitution feeding crack

She came to Nashville after getting married a number of years back. The marriage ended and she was soon on the streets.   Her speech was badly slurred and I asked, “What is your drug of choice?” She told me crack cocaine.

As we continued to talk a car drove by and she asked me to put away my recorder and camera. I asked why and she said, “That was my daughter, she’ll turn around and come back by to see what’s going on.”

I met Nicole by knocking on random doors of motels that most of us would never venture into the parking lot of, much less a room. The 40-year old woman is a prostitute and said that she makes about $1,000 per week. Of course, most of that is spent feeding her addiction which is out of control today.

I asked, “Is it a hard life that you live?” She looked down and responded, “Sometimes. You feel guilty for a while, then after a while you don’t. I’ve been out here a long, long time.” Struggling to find out why she prostitutes and uses crack I inquired, “Do you feel like your emotions are gone?” She looked up, “Yea, yea…” I came back with, “Is that ever a struggle in itself that you feel emotionless?”  She said, “Ummm, sometimes, yea.”

She told me that she left her family because of drug use and they no longer talk to her.

Addiction is a symptom of a bigger life problem or struggle. She never told me why she originally turned to crack and later prostitution to feed her addiction.

The great poet Edgar Allan Poe had the best statement I have ever read on addiction. He stated, “I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.” To me, that explains the unthinkable reason as to why so many spiral out of control. 

Crack Cocaine

His story was well rehearsed, but I wanted to go deeper. “I was in the Army and…” I stopped him at and. I told him, “You told me that about two months ago, but then you were clean shaven and sober.” He took a step back, “I remember, you walked with me.” 

I said to him, “What’s going on, you are a smart guy and I know you want more?” I recalled the last time I met him he spoke clearly and held his head high, I thought to myself that this change was drastic. 

As we spoke he shared with me that he uses crack cocaine. He walked in a circle from time to time as we talked. I said, “Do you want help?” He looked down and told me how easy it was to quit. I simply told him that it was not easy to quit, but help is available. 

We talked for a solid 20-minutes about his mental health and the negative physical results of his drug use. I don’t usually take this route when talking to folks, but I could see a massive downturn from the last time I met him. We talked about his transformation over such a short period of time. He then told me that he has different people or things in him. He said that God wants him on this journey and that he chose himself to live on the streets. 

In mid-sentence I think he caught on to what I was saying about change and help. He froze, looked away and then his eyes slightly glazed as if a tear was about to drop. He walked away in silence and disappeared into the crowd of tourist on lower Broadway in downtown Nashville, never turning back. Perhaps one word we spoke about will later serve as a catalyst to seek help?

American writer Napoleon Hill wrote about success and words that bring success to others being extremely important to everyone, not just a select few. One thing that he stated stands out, “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” 

Plant seeds. 

Life can be beautiful, despite your circumstance

This beautiful woman has been homeless for over a year. Most of that time has been spent living behind an old Kroger store that is now an empty shell. Despite hardships, she told me some very positive news. She said she has been clean from Heroin for the past 7-years. She also said that she has been clean from Crack for the past 2-years and free from smoking cigarettes for the past month. I think that is worth celebrating.