My dream of singing

She was walking down the street with a small plastic bag. I asked, "Are you from here?" She told me that she moved here years ago at the age of 35. I asked why and she said, "I had a dream of becoming a country singer."

"What's in your bag," I asked? She looked towards the ground then over my shoulder as if she was waiting for someone..."Everything I own. I was living out of my car, but it was towed, and I don't have the money to get it back." 

"You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." - Dolly Parton 

Rent is cheaper in Vegas

“On a good day I may make $60,” he told me while sitting in his motorized wheelchair in LasVegas.

Originally calling Southern California home he decided to make the move to LasVegas in the late 70’s. Later, he moved back to California for a short stay and then again made the trek to Vegas because he said it was cheaper to rent in the town of bright lights than Cali, “I pay $400 a month for my motel room.”

““On a good day I may make $60,” he told me while sitting in his motorized wheelchair in LasVegas.

Originally calling Southern California home he decided to make the move to LasVegas in the late 70’s. Later, he moved back to California for a short stay and then again made the trek to Vegas because he said it was cheaper to rent in the town of bright lights than Cali, “I pay $400 a month for my motel room.”

Las Vegas was and is a hard town that will make you pay for your inability to restrain your desires.... If you have a weakness, Las Vegas will punish you.”

— HAL ROTHMAN, Neon Metropolis

Looking at what most refuse to see

Everyone passed her by, most refusing to make eye contact. “Sir, have you got a cigarette,” she asked one man as he shook his head and continued. “Ma’am, do you have a smoke,” she asked a woman who refused to even acknowledge someone spoke to her. Never asking for money, she only wanted to continue her love affair with nicotine.

“We lived in Las Vegas back in 1978 and left… but we came back in the mid 90’s,” she told me while sitting in her husband’s wheelchair. “This is his,” she explained while pointing to a man sitting upright against a trash can. The woman then stated, “He has no legs – lost them both due to cardiovascular disease.”

I asked her what the dried blood on her forehead was from. “I tripped and fell, busted my head wide open. No one helped me, but the paramedics,” as she went into detail she talked about the ten stitches under her cap and how she spent 15 hours in the hospital.

Why do so many turn away from unpleasant, sad or dirty? Why do some refuse to take it all in as an effort to learn what others go through? Why does a mother or father not stop and talk when being spoken to as a way to teach a child courtesy should be offered to everyone until proven wrong. Then, perhaps courtesy should be offered again and even again.

“To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.” ― Stephen R. Covey (1932-2012). Dr. Covey died 5.5 hours away from where this woman sat quietly on the streets of Las Vegas. It was a bicycle accident that took the life of Dr. Covey at the age of 80 in Provo, Utah.

A room of her own

She shares only a bedroom with a local resident, but you would think she has a palace. When she describes that room, her eyes light up like a child inside a candy store for the first time.

Previously living on the streets of what some call “Sin City,” she has a special appreciation for clean sheets and a pillow to rest her head on at night.

It is interesting... Today we can look around while standing in a crowd of 1,000 at a large church and see smiling faces from every walk of life wearing their Sunday best. But inside, we are unable to tell what they hide.

Some of those that you see daily have a past that is more painful than your past. Some are struggling with current pain that is undeniably ugly, dark and scary… but they hide it in public to an extent that you would never know. I am not talking about their sins that they participate in outside of the church walls, I am talking about pains thrown at them.

American actor Will Smith once stated, “Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people are better at hiding it than others.” Truer words have never been spoken.

A Las Vegas Death on a Sidewalk

A Las Vegas Death on a Sidewalk: Her hands were swollen, her face like leather from the overly dramatic Nevada summers, her voice had a quiet whiskey sound to it and her hair a dirty blonde. Just behind her though, the shadow of a younger her… no lines, no age and perhaps a forgotten past. Her words were simple and thoughts non-complex.

She is tucked away on a Las Vegas side street, away from the eye of the public. Everything she owns is within an arm’s reach. Her makeshift home is the sidewalk of a closed down business next to a convenience store.

A bottle of urine sits next to her left leg, two empty cans of beer against the wall and an empty purse under her left arm. Behind her is a “Personal Belongings” bag from an area hospital.

“She wasted and grew so thin that she no longer was a little girl, but the shadow of a little girl. The flame of her life flickered so faintly that it appeared sufficient to blow at it to extinguish it. Stas understood that death did not have to wait for a third attack to take her and he expected it any day or any hour.”

— Henryk Sienkiewicz, "In Desert and Wilderness"

Shake the world in a gentle way

He was sitting in front of a closed and vacant building in downtown Nashville when I met him. “I’m 60,” he said with a drag of his cigarette.

I gave him a 7 man tent that was given to me by my friends Jessica and Rusty Bonds and he picked up the bag it was in curiously looking it over. He then handed it back to me telling me to give it to someone else in need. “This is too big for just me,” I smiled and told him to wait a minute. I then retrieved a two man tent and gave that to him. He smiled and said, “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Thank you Jessica and Rusty Bonds.

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Help Someone Today

"We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone." - Ronald Reagan

Has not eaten

She was sitting by herself at 6 in the evening in the shadows of Chicago near the lake. She had a hospital bracelet on her right wrist and a walker sitting behind her. 

I asked, “When was the last time you ate?” She looked up and said, “Yesterday morning.” 
Without skipping a beat I quickly got her some hot beef stew, a yogurt, sandwich and more. 

Needless to say she never had to say the words thank you, I saw it in her face. 

“Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.” -  Maya Angelou

Those Gang Bangers

She was sitting by herself in front of a closed Macy’s store on a Sunday in downtown Chicago. “The cops don’t do anything around here [pointing down the street], some gang banger hit me in the shoulder right there,” she told me. As she talked another homeless man who appeared to be in his own state of mind came up asking for money, she yelled for him to leave.

“I’ll make it,” she told me, “But I hate it here.”

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” - Joseph Campbell

Over the Rainbow

He knew the words by heart as he sang by himself in a tunnel that led to the Navy Pier in Chicago. His song, Somewhere Over the Rainbow. 

The tunnel went under the roadway and was a safe haven from rain or snow in winter months. It was well lit and fairly clean.

His hair was dyed purple, matching his shirt and his fingernails. After I snapped the photo he wanted to know if I could record him singing.

“I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain; What a wonderful feeling, I'm happy again.”  - Arthur Freed

Sober today

He was sitting in the shadows of a large Chicago building on the concrete windowsill. His face looked as if it were carved, almost unreal. As I stood and watched people walked by I noticed he would talk to everyone as if he were digging for conversation. “Hello, beautiful evening,” he would say never discouraged by a lack of dialogue.

As I kneeled down in front of him he enthusiastically told me that he has been sober since October 25, 1998. He told me he got sober the day after he was arrested for burglary on October 24, 1998. I could tell he was proud.

When he introduced himself, he pulled out his ID card to show me his full name. He then showed me his debit card, I think he was proud to be clean and on his own.

54-Year old Alen Kilbert Jr. is doing great today. That’s the story that he gave me. He was all smiles as he talked about his past being just that, his past

“Laughter is day, and sobriety is night; a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both, more bewitching than either.” - Henry Ward Beecher. 

Popeye Club

He was sitting on the steps next to the Municipal Auditorium shortly after sunset waiting on a bus to Madison. As he spoke he told me he once had cancer in his arm. Part of his elbow was removed due to the cancer. He then took a smoke and looked into the distance as if he could see himself as a child. That is when his best memorable moment as a child unfolded, smoke after smoke. 

“My best memory ever was when I was on TV, I was 8 and Nashville had the Popeye Club,” he said. I later learned the Popeye Club met in the old Paramount Theater. A man named Bob Luck played an organ in the theater and the organ raised from the ground to stage level. “I remember Bob Lobertini was called Captain Bob,” he said with a smile. Lobertini worked at WLAC – TV in Nashville at the time. He then stated, “Lobertini was the weather guy on the TV station.” 

Channel 5 in Nashville first came on the air in 1954 as WLAC – TV. The station was owned by the Life and Casualty Insurance Company which is where the L&C tower is today in Nashville. In 1975 the television station was sold and it went on to become WTVF, News Channel 5. 

“The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.”
-Cesare Pavese

Wicked Clowns

He was homeless, but now living in a small home with about four other people. He told me, “I’m part of the Wicked Clowns… We are like a bunch of hippies, but we are violent. We are not afraid to use weapons.”

As we talked more he told me, “I did the tattoo myself [referring to his face].” He told me he used a mirror to do the ink on his face that is "War Paint." He then pulled up his shirt and showed me a tattoo of a clown holding a bloody butcher knife. Under the clown were the words, “NEVER DIE ALONE.” “I did all my tattoos myself except for the one on my back,” he said. Across his stomach was the word “PSYCHO.” 

Starving for food

After he finished begging for money while sitting next to a McDonald’s exit it started to rain. So, he walked across the street and sat under a gas pump awning at a small convenient store. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, he was almost curled up in a ball. People dressed in their Sunday best walked past him without ever glancing down, even stepping around him as if he were a piece of trash they wanted to avoid to keep their neatly polished shoes clean.

I approached him and asked, “Are you hungry, would you like a doughnut from Dunkin Donuts [in the gas station] or would you like real food?” He carefully looked up almost startled, “Real food please.” I went inside and ordered a chicken salad sandwich on a croissant. I then grabbed a large bottle of water, a bag of chips and a Little Debbie snack for desert. I placed it by his side and he thanked me while putting the bag of chips inside the brown paper bag that the sandwich came in. He then scurried across the street to find a quiet and out of the way spot to eat.

I hate to compare a man to an animal, but have you ever noticed what happens when you give a dog a piece of meat or a bone? The dog quickly carries the item to a distant location to begin its feast. The animal moves away from the pack in order to protect and hide its food. That is exactly what occurred in this situation. It was sad to watch him quickly move away as if he was afraid someone would take his meal.  

Before I left I asked, “How old are you?” He told me, “54.”

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” ― Booker T. Washington, Up from Slavery

Missing the past

“I’m 42 and from South Carolina,” he told me. I met him on the streets of Louisville, Kentucky this past Sunday. I asked if he had any family and he told me that he does, but had not seen his parents in over 10-years. “Are you working right now,” I asked with curiosity? “Naaah, just trying to hustle, how much is that picture worth,” he asked? I laughed and said, “You don’t have to pay me.” 

As the conversation continued, I quickly realized that he greatly misses his parents. Again, he has not seen them in over 10-years.

He then talked about attending high school in South Carolina where he grew up in the small county of Greenwood. The population today is barely over 23,000 residents with only 0.19% being African American. In the 1990’s when he attended high school, the population stood at 20,000. 

The New York Times reported in 2011 that the county of Greenwood experienced the highest economic decline in the United States. One reason, the deindustrialization of the textile mills that once held the county together. 

I asked, “Are you homeless today?” He told me that he lives with friends.

My Step Father, My Step Father

I saw him picking up change in the parking lot of a closed liquor store on a Sunday morning. I stopped to talk and handed him what little change I had. Another homeless man passing by asked me if I had anything else to spare… This man [pictured] then walked over and gave the other homeless individual the change I just gave him, plus the change that he picked up in the parking lot.

In our brief conversation he told me that he battles with mental illness 24/7. “Are you suffering from schizophrenia,” I asked. “Yes,” he told me while never making eye contact. “What do you see when you go through an episode,” I asked… The mood changed as he looked down at the ground scrunching his eyes closed. He moved his arms and hands to describe to me what he saw.

“He is a tall and hairy man, mean – my step father – my step father,” he repeated. It was obvious that his schizophrenic episodes were based on his childhood reality. I did not inquire further as I felt like he was too overcome with emotional pain. Our conversation ended as he simply turned and calmly walked away not saying a single word. 

Heroin is very real in Tennessee

Heroin is real: “My boyfriend died of a Heroin overdose last month… I’m all alone,” she told me. “His family continues to threaten me, he was married, but I did not know that at the time,” she said while looking down at the ground. We visited with her at the group home she is currently living in, deep into the bowels of downtown Nashville. She is currently living in a group home while emotionally overcoming not only the death of a loved one, but overcoming her own problems. She too was a heroin addict, but has not used in quite some time. Considering the circumstances, she is doing well.

Because her story and life are so fragile, I made sure it was okay to share her story even asking her twice. My thought is that perhaps her story could help someone else.

My friend Chris Spence noticed her Florida Gators Tattoo and she told us that she moved to Tennessee after her gastric bypass surgery. I smiled and said, “Man, you have already overcome so much.” She told us with a glimmer of hope, “I use to weigh over 400-pounds.”

Prior to visiting her, we stopped by the grocery store and carefully selected foods that included fresh fruits that would agree with her diabetic diet. She was so thankful.

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle." - Napoleon Hill

Hello Ms. Debbie

Ms. Debbie saw me take a photo of someone and immediately said, "Oh, you're taking pictures. Do you want to take mine?" I smiled, "Of course I do Ms. Debbie." She then sat on her cooler and said, "Okay... I'm ready."

For those who do not know Ms. Debbie, you should. She makes me laugh every time I see her because of the funny sayings she has. For example, if there is a fly in the car and I am taking her somewhere she will say something to the effect of, "Hello Mr. Fly, what are you doing in here - you aren't supposed to be here Mr. Fly, you're supposed to be outside, fly away fly."

Over 15-years ago, Debbie's husband died of cancer. She has been in and out of motels ever since. When Debbie and her son don't have the cash to stay somewhere, they live in a tent. Usually, they stay in the woods, but sometimes under bridges.

"When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does, too." - Terri Clark (Terri Lynn Sauson).

Terri is an excellent country music entertainer who once lived in Murfreesboro, TN. She is originally from Canada, but now calls the South home. She got her start playing at the famous Tootsie's Orchid Lounge in Nashville after working hard and saving money to move to Middle Tennessee, because of her love for country music. She now lives in Nashville.

In late 2007, Clark received news that her mother was diagnosed with cancer. The tumor was removed, but Clark's mother died on April 4, 2010.