My Step Father, My Step Father

I saw him picking up change in the parking lot of a closed liquor store on a Sunday morning. I stopped to talk and handed him what little change I had. Another homeless man passing by asked me if I had anything else to spare… This man [pictured] then walked over and gave the other homeless individual the change I just gave him, plus the change that he picked up in the parking lot.

In our brief conversation he told me that he battles with mental illness 24/7. “Are you suffering from schizophrenia,” I asked. “Yes,” he told me while never making eye contact. “What do you see when you go through an episode,” I asked… The mood changed as he looked down at the ground scrunching his eyes closed. He moved his arms and hands to describe to me what he saw.

“He is a tall and hairy man, mean – my step father – my step father,” he repeated. It was obvious that his schizophrenic episodes were based on his childhood reality. I did not inquire further as I felt like he was too overcome with emotional pain. Our conversation ended as he simply turned and calmly walked away not saying a single word. 

Like a freight train traveling through your head

Her wiry hair blows in the wind as she shuffles down the street at six in the morning as she yells at the air before her. She has little control over the arguments she has as the voices in her head have a tendency to make her appear as if she is angry. 

On nights that I hand out food, you have to actually ask her to take the boxed dinners, yogurt, bread and veggies. She has never asked me for a handout... she simply survives in a lonely motel room.

When I ask about her family I have to listen intently as she tells me between fits of what appear to be someone else talking to her - someone I can't hear, but she hears as loud as a freight train roaring past her at 100 miles per hour. She says, "I have a daughter, a daughter, a daughter who lives, who lives in Florida." I smile, "That's awesome, how is she?" She responds, "Good, good, she's real good - but, she's good."

"Schizophrenia cannot be understood without understanding despair." R. D. Laing

I see dead people

"I see dead people," he told me. I asked, "You mean right now?" He said, "Everywhere." It was almost as if I were watching that movie from 1999 called The Sixth Sense. He told me that he has lot's of mental issues that include multiple personalities and schizophrenia. He then told me that he is an artist and he designed the tattoo you see in this photo. The subject changed rapidly. 

Upon diving into deeper conversation, I learned more about the root of some of the issues he deals with, which gave me a better understanding as to why. He talked about his mother committing suicide when he was much younger and his father leaving. He talked about his past drug use, domestic violence arrest and more. The conversation could have easily lasted for hours. You never really know someone until you try to understand them.