Talking about the Loss of a mom at age 8

Some folks have obstacles thrown in their direction while it seems from the outside looking in, others are handed ladders to climb over the obstacles in their path. But, if we look a little closer we will find that those who have obstacles are the ones who are often helping others make it directly through obstacles in a way that helps them grow for the good.

In this interview Scott Walker talks to Chip Douglas who lost his mother in a car accident at age 8.

Some 28 years later at age 36, Chip talks about the hard emotions that come along with the loss of a parent and also dives into his brother who grew into an addict. That same brother also lost his wife to death, the mother of his child.

Suicide in Tennessee

I met Charles in 2015 while out with my friend Jerry in downtown Nashville, TN.

“My father committed suicide in 2007, several months later… my mom committed suicide, I wish I knew why – I want to figure it out, it would help me – I wish I were there, I could have helped her,” he told me as if he were desperate to find answers.

As I continued to speak with Charles he said that he too thinks about suicide. He then rolled up his sleeve to show me a large scar on his wrist where he attempted to kill himself.

“When people kill themselves, they think they're ending the pain, but all they're doing is passing it on to those they leave behind.” ― Jeannette Walls

According to the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network, suicide numbers have climbed since 2006, of course our population has also increased, so to get a true idea of the statistics, you would have to look at the percentages, which do indeed show a slight increase.

In 2006, there were 866 suicides in the Volunteer State, which is 14.4% of the population per every 100,000 residents. In 2010, there were 932 suicides or 14.7% per 100,000 residents. In 2015, the Health Department recorded 1,065 suicides or a rate of 16.1% per every 100,000 residents.

People don’t commit suicide because they want to die, they commit suicide because they want to stop the pain, stop the voices they may hear, stop the brokenness in their life… this first has to be understood to simply prevent someone taking their own life.

“Did you really want to die?"
"No one commits suicide because they want to die."
"Then why do they do it?"
"Because they want to stop the pain.” 
― Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star

Charles is from Knoxville, Tennessee but moved to Nashville after the death of his parents. He told me, “Someone stole all of my medication, they even took my blood pressure medicine.” He said they also took his medication for his Bi-Polar Disorder, “I have been off of it for 3-weeks,” he said.

Suicide and mental health or mental illness are closely tied together, as realized by medical experts.

In 2016, the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network announced the idea of “Tennessee’s Zero Suicide Initiative.” While the idea of zero suicides sounds great, it is an unrealistic goal to strive for – being realistic and understanding the depths of mental illness could be a better idea? Could be.

To be honest, such an idea of ending suicide may give way to less news stories about suicide and less information on the suicide aftermath that families suffer. It concerns me that looking at stopping the rates will possibly give some residents the false idea that suicide numbers are on the decrease, which will possibly allow a family member in the direct line of helping a loved one to have the thought that “It” won’t happen.

Despite my views on “Ending suicide,” the organization is moving forward with their efforts and in fairness, they are putting out more brochures. But are brochures going to cause an impact? My thought is an overwhelming “No.” Education is needed, but so is more accessible help in the field of mental health. We need experts to hit campsites of those suffering, we need home visits for those too depressed to get out of bed, we need more help and we need more volunteers.

As for Charles, I have not seen him since 2015. I do not know how his current mental state is today, nor do I know where he may be living. I just hope he is… living.

He has been to the Holy Lands

Lorenzo Parks has been homeless in Birmingham, Alabama since age 11. Today, he is 54 years old.

He told me that he was not homeless due to breaking bridges or causing problems, but instead because of two questions he asked. One question was to his mother when he was a small child and the second was to God.

“She [mom] used to bring me downtown to go shopping, this day was cold – ice - ice cold, never will forget it,” he explained to me. “I looked over there by this building and there was a group of people laying down with covers on them. I stopped and said mom, can I ask you a question?” He went on to explain the question to his mother, “What are these people laying down with the covers on them?” His mom then said, “These are the folks we call homeless.”

It was not long after that question was asked that his mother passed away in his arms. He later went by the same building as a child and without a parent to watch over him and he noticed that people were still there, still homeless. “I then looked up at the sky and asked what these people go through everyday,” he said to me.

Those were the two questions. One to his mother about the homeless before she passed away and the second to God asking what the homeless go through. Mr. Parks believes those two questions led him to be homeless.

Despite his homelessness, he told me he never asks people for money, never holds a sign, he simply lives. “I have even been to the Holy lands, I went with a church,” he told me with a smile.

His life while homeless has not necessarily been bad and he has perhaps lived more than some of us have.

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” ― Oscar Wilde, Irish playwright (1854-1900)

From Little Rock to Nashville

He lives on the streets of Nashville and is 36-years old. When asked what placed him on the streets he paused, took a breath and then told me about the mother of his daughter. He told me that she died and between her death, medical bills and life, he could not afford what many of us would refer to as a regular life in a home or apartment.

Prior to living in Nashville, he lived in Little Rock, Arkansas. He accepted a job selling magazines which brought him to Nashville. The company failed to pay him for his efforts so instead of being on the streets of Little Rock, he is now on the streets of Nashville.

“Where are you living,” I asked. He then told me that he sleeps on cardboard in different areas with his girlfriend. The two support each other enough to purchase food, but that’s about all they can currently afford.

“All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.” - Helen Keller

His wife died in surgery, life crumbled to a halt afterwards

He lost his wife a couple of years ago. She went in for a minor surgery and when they put her to sleep for the procedure, she never re-awoke. From there his life crumbled and he quickly lost everything as he slowly lost himself in grief.

He is from Manchester, Tennessee, but now lives on the streets of Nashville. 

George Eliot wrote, “Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.” The name George Eliot was a pen name for Mary Ann Evans, a Novelist in the 1800’s.