In her suffering, she helps others

We headed into the trailer park to give dogs and cats free vaccinations for rabies. The Beasley Animal Clinic Veterinarian was there to not only give the shots, but also the proper paperwork and tags for the animals that belong to owners who are disabled or unable to afford vaccinations.

While knocking on random doors I met this woman. Patsy yelled for me to come in, so with a twist of the knob I saw that she was laying on the floor covered in a blanket. “I just got bad news," she told me as if she already knew me. As we talked she said that two of her family members were in a terrible car accident in Mississippi. “I don’t know if they will make it,” she said.

As the subject changed I quickly learned that she is disabled and suffering from liver failure. As we talked she told me that she has Hepatitis C, which she was born with.

I asked, “What did you do when you first found out that your liver was no longer working properly?” She told me, “I started drinking whiskey – that was years ago.” She then said that she has been sober for 13-years and works to help others who are battling alcoholism. While her symptoms make it hard for her to leave home, she talks to those who are suffering on her phone daily and nightly. She said with a smile, “I meet people who are struggling online and I freely give them my number. I will tell people I don’t even know to call me anytime. One person I talked to was contemplating suicide, I talked him out of it!”

With Hepatitis C symptoms can go unnoticed and be mild for years, even as the liver damage is slowly taking place. As the infection increases, the liver begins to fail and it is measured in stages by doctors. Loss of appetite and sever fatigue sets in and the body no longer functions as it once did.

Today, Patsy is at stage 4 liver failure.

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” - Joseph Campbell

Sad eyes in a third world country

I never aimed for the photos of children I took to come across as sad while in Haiti. In fact, most children smiled continuously and played exhaustively.

However, this shot of a young man with family and friends building a church in the background struck me as overwhelming sadness. I cannot explain what he was thinking, he just seemed so alone.

Anne Hathaway once stated, “Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life. The thing that I'm most worried about is just being alone without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me.”

Haiti is filled with over 10.3 million residents and is equal in size to the small state of Massachusetts. However, Haiti has nearly twice the population of Massachusetts. In case you’re curious, Massachusetts is the 7th smallest state in the United States when you look at the total square miles of land.

Of course the striking contrast of Massachusetts and Haiti... places like Boston are filled with high rises that hold populations in check while Haiti is filled with make shift huts made of mud and bamboo sometimes without doors.

A new home for Ms. Debbie

I have good news. We got Ms. Debbie into a house. She has a roommate, but she has her very own bed in her own room. She was so excited!

On the way to the house she saw that I had a box full of toothpaste, soap, toothbrushes, handmade hats and mittens. She started to dig through them and I said, “[laughing] Ms. Debbie, are you looking through my box of stuff?” She said, “I’m just getting some things I need.”

When she got out of the truck at her new house she had about 6 boxes of toothpaste, six toothbrushes, a hat and mittens. It’s funny because just last week we had a long talk about the need to brush her teeth. I guess she was listening.

I am so thankful she now has a bed. She has been sleeping under bridges for a very long time. That was never good for her asthma. She was just released from the hospital on Friday, so it made tonight even more special.

“Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach

"I fell off a bridge one night"

“How did you land yourself in the motorized wheelchair,” I asked. “I was asleep on a bridge and I fell off one night,” he told me with sorrow in his eyes.

Brent, 61, is a paraplegic because of the accident on the bridge while homeless in a year that is now behind him. He heads to the Nashville Rescue Mission early each day to ensure that he will have a bed at night. He gets his bed ticket and carefully tucks it into his ID pouch that he wears around his neck. “Would you like a blanket,” I question. He quietly replies with a chuckle, “Well, we are not allowed to have one, but I guess I could sit on it and they would never know.” I then tell him my last blanket is pink. I laugh and I tell him, “That may get you beat up.” He laughs and says, “I better pass on that one.”

X Games mono skier Sam Danniels became a paraplegic at age 19 while mountain biking. In an interview with Elise Ballard in 2012 he stated, “While I was recovering, obviously, I had a lot of time to just lie there and think. I’d met other paraplegics before my injury, and I knew they weren’t doomed to a horrible life—not necessarily. So I almost had this eagerness to go out and see what the world had in store for me.”

The only problem is that we are not all made the same way. Not all of us have the same drive and our backgrounds are often filled with sorrow. 

Sleeping in warmth is something we take for granted

As my friend Jerry Craddock and I started to hand out sleeping bags, a crowd of homeless men quickly gathered. The excitement on a cold day was something that could be felt as the temperature outside was at a low 36.

One of the men who walked up was a little slower than the others in his step. He looked to be about 60 and was without gloves or even a blanket. He told us that he badly needed both.

We gave him a new pair of gloves that were given to me to specifically hand out to the homeless. We then gave him a sleeping bag and you could see the relief fall over his face as he knew he would be warm tonight.

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?” ― Ernest Hemingway

Fishing is relaxation for some

I saw him out of the corner of my eye as I drove over a bridge and decided to stop. I quietly walked up behind his secret fishing spot and captured him doing what he does best on a warm Thanksgiving afternoon. "How long have you come here to fish," I asked. He looked towards the water, "Oh, five or six years." I was curious what his catches were like and he told me, "I usually get little fish, more so then big ones." 

There is a certain relaxation to fishing that can not be matched. 

"Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after." - Henry David Thoreau 

He was freezing

He appeared to be a paraplegic. His hands were cupped and he was unable to fully extend each finger as he sat quietly in his wheelchair. Urine soaked his jeans, but it was doubtful that he knew and he likely needed a catheter and a bag.

Paraplegic’s are typically paralyzed from their chest down, unable to move their legs due to a spinal cord injury. A loss of bowel and bladder control is quite common for many who are paralyzed, which is why they are often equipped with a bag for such bodily functions.

A man who was happily talking to him and pushing him down the street told us that he lives in the Nashville Rescue Mission when he is not overly intoxicated, but enjoys to have a few drinks when he is able to. My friend and I worked feverishly to put a pair of donated gloves on his hands and then a toboggan on his head in an attempt to stay warm.

Before we left he extended his arms and pulled us in tight for a hug and a nod of his head. He did not speak one word, he simply smiled and hugged.

“Morning drew on apace. The air became more sharp and piercing, as its first dull hue: the death of night, rather than the birth of day: glimmered faintly in the sky. The objects which had looked dim and terrible in the darkness, grew more and more defined, and gradually resolved into their familiar shapes. The rain came down, thick and fast; and pattered, noisily, among the leafless bushes.” ― Charles Dickens

His wife died in surgery, life crumbled to a halt afterwards

He lost his wife a couple of years ago. She went in for a minor surgery and when they put her to sleep for the procedure, she never re-awoke. From there his life crumbled and he quickly lost everything as he slowly lost himself in grief.

He is from Manchester, Tennessee, but now lives on the streets of Nashville. 

George Eliot wrote, “Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.” The name George Eliot was a pen name for Mary Ann Evans, a Novelist in the 1800’s.

He mixes his daily food in a blender

My friend and I went to some of the dirtiest and darkest motels in Nashville and randomly knocked on doors. While doing so we met Mr. Jerry. He is 60-years old and has cancer in his mouth. 
About three years ago his teeth were removed along with part of his jawbone during treatment. Doctors used a bone from his leg to make a new jaw, but it left him unable to chew which required a feeding tube. I asked him where they got the bone from and he replied, “[Pulling up a pant leg] This is where they cut a section of the bone to use for my jaw [Pointing at a 6-inch scar just above his ankle]”. 

In late 2013 his feeding tube came out of his stomach, but Jerry did not want to go back to the hospital in fear of having another MRI. The Nashville native is claustrophobic and won’t have another MRI, but is open to other cancer treatment options, but has no one to turn to nor can he afford taxi trips to and from Vanderbilt Medical Center. The cancer is still active and his mouth is badly swollen and painful. 

After the feeding tube came out in 2013, he started blending his food in a blender to drink. As he talked he pulled up his shirt to show us where the feeding tube went in, “It healed and it now looks like I have two belly buttons [laughing].” He told me that he would prefer to drink Ensure instead of blending food, but does not have the money to pay for it. I told him not to worry, we would find folks to donate it. 

Jerry has not always been disabled. In his younger days he was married and worked for Ford Manufacturing in Georgia. However, he fell while working on machinery and broke his back. He still receives a small check from Ford for his injury, but it does not even cover the cost to rent a motel room. His state disability check helps to pay for the room. His marriage fell apart somewhere between Ford and cancer.

Despite his sadness of being all alone and ill, he still holds true to a love of cars. While he cannot drive and is wheelchair bound, he collects remote control cars. He often races them through his motel parking lot. He crashed one about a week ago and had to order a new part for it. “This car will do 100 actual miles per hour,” he said while holding up the instruction manual for it. 

The late president Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 – 1945) once stated, “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” Roosevelt new pain well. He suffered from Polio and despite becoming paralyzed at age 39 from the waist down, he refused to look at himself as being disabled. 

Liberty

“I’m afraid it will get down to about 29-degrees at night this weekend,” he told me with growing concern. I asked, “Do you have a sleeping bag?” He hesitated, “I do, but not a very good one.” I asked him what he meant and he then explained, “Well, someone gave me a sleeping bag, but it’s a children’s sleeping bag so it’s not very big.” I smiled as I gave him a brand new full sized adult sleeping bag and two new blankets. 

As we continued to talk he told me his name was Lucian and he is 56-years old. He then talked about how he once had a home, but lost it due to finances. It was the home that he grew up in and it once belonged to his parents. His brother no longer speaks to him because he lost the family home and is now homeless. His brother is upset about the loss of the house, according to Lucian. 

The grey bearded man now sleeps under a tree in downtown Nashville. He has no tent because he fears police will ask him to leave if he were to set up a tent. 

I let him dig through a bag of clothing that someone gave me and he picked out a few items, which made him smile from ear to ear. He also picked out clothing for a friend who sleeps in the same spot. I think that made him a little happier today as compare to yesterday. I love to be able to give items to homeless that they can pass along to others, I think it gives them a touch of dignity and grace. 

I once heard a quote Ambrose Bierce that reminded me of his fear to conquer such a little feat of setting up a tent that stated, “Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.” I realize the tent was not an imagination, but to imagine his fear of his liberty to set up a tent disturbed me as he was on a property that was out of the eye of the public. As for Mr. Ambrose Bierce, he was an American journalist who lived from 1842 to 1914.

You sometimes see sadness in their eyes

You can see sadness in the eyes of so many.

I first met Jimmy in 2013 when a friend and I randomly knocked on the doors of a rundown motel. He was one of the many who invited us inside. At the time, his room was filled with Bibles and Christian study guides. That room was later broken into and his girlfriend had money and other valuables stolen. The two later moved out at the start of 2015.

Today they live in their very own apartment. The apartment is far nicer than the dingy motel room that they once called home. The Bibles still line the room along with Kathy’s collection of stuffed animals. But, I still see the sadness in their eyes upon each visit.

Jimmy will turn 46 in June of 2016.

American actress and singer Taraji P. Henson stated, “Every human walks around with a certain kind of sadness. They may not wear it on their sleeves, but it's there if you look deep.”

Plans fell through for Johnny Pops

This was my second time to photograph John Ross, age 68. Both he and his wife are homeless and living on the streets of downtown Nashville, Tennessee.

I remember the first conversation I had with him, he told me that everyone calls him Johnny Pops. He was born in 1947 and has a stern yet caring look about him.

Ross told me several weeks ago that he and his wife had a job offer to live on a farm in Indiana. However, those plans have since fallen through so it looks as if Mr. and Mrs. Ross will be out in the cold this winter. They currently sleep at a bus stop near the Tennessee Capital.

American businessman and poet Samuel Ullman (1840-1925) once stated, “Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”

When I see elderly who are homeless I wonder what their future looks like and what it could look like. I often see a loss of enthusiasm for life in the aged who are without a place to live. However, Johnny “Pops” Ross still has that enthusiasm, I just wonder how long the spunk will last on the cold streets. I wish I could offer a solution to their situation, but I don’t have one.

Would you like for me to tell your sister you are okay?

He was standing by himself in front of a closed business when I saw him, kind of walking in circles. “Do you need a sleeping bag?” I asked. “Well, I probably do,” he told me.

We talked for a while as we sat on the front of the business under a light that illuminated the front parking lot. “Do you have any family,” I asked with curiosity. He got a little glimmer in his eyes as he stated, “I have a sister named Sandra that I have not seen in 15-years, she’s in Chicago.” He told me he did not have a phone nor did he know how to contact her. I asked, “Would you like for me to try to find her and tell her you’re okay?” He smiled and responded, “Sure that would be great – if you can find her, she may have a different last name now.”

Dwayne told me that he is 49 years old and once called Chicago home. However, he told me that he has been all over the place and has lots of past areas in our nation that he called home at one point or another.

I wondered what made Dwayne tick, why was he homeless and what his past looked like. “Do you have any issues with schizophrenia or other mental illnesses,” I questioned. He chuckled, “Not that I have been diagnosed with,” he replied with a smile.

American journalist Lisa Ling once stated, “There's so much grey to every story - nothing is so black and white.”

His high school GPA was 3.5

Andrew is originally from Texas. He moved to Nashville shortly after graduating high school with a 3.5 GPA. He told me that he wanted to go to college, but his dad would not sign any paperwork to help him get a student loan. I asked why and he said, “I don’t know, he said he didn’t want his information on any paperwork?”  

The 25-year old is currently living under a bridge. I was able to supply him with a new sleeping bag and a tent thanks to donations. 

Does he still have the dream and determination to go to college? I don’t know? 

“You have to dream before your dreams can come true.” - A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

A grandmother and her peek-a-boo grandson

Having a positive family during your ups and downs in life is a big deal that most of us either take for granted or don't have at all.

In foreign countries like Korea, families cling together out of support and seldom separate from their children the way that separation is seen in America.

According to the non-political organization known as Asia Society, “Koreans adhere to traditional Confucian principles of family organization. Confucius (6th century B.C.) and his followers taught that only a country where family life was harmonious could be peaceful and prosperous.”

“A man should never neglect his family for business.” - Walt Disney

Life is not always glory filled

Between dirty roach infested motels, battling cancer and life – some people do not choose the course they are on. Circumstances place them there.

Imagine battling an illness that is winning and sometimes sleeping on a bed and other times, sleeping on the street. That is life for many that we overlook.

“When you hear the word 'cancer,' it's as if someone took the game of Life and tossed it in the air. All the pieces go flying. The pieces land on a new board. Everything has shifted. You don't know where to start.” - Regina Brett (American Author)

My personal space has been invaded

When I take a photo, I sometimes like to get as close as possible. I know this is weird, but I sometimes feel that when I am in someone’s personal space, they tend to open up more.

If you have been to other countries, you probably know that many people around the world don’t know the limits of personal space. However, in many countries families strive to depend on one another in a way that you don’t see in many cities around the United States. You could literally be on top of someone in line in Haiti, Mexico or even parts of Puerto Rico (US) and the native will not flinch. But here, why do we feel so strongly about personal space and what is that magic divide of that uncomfortable line that we don’t want people to cross?

Do we draw so many boundaries because we like and desire to be alone in this world? Audrey Hepburn told LIFE Magazine in 1953, “I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel."

Or perhaps C.S. Lewis had it correct, “We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.” In this case, I believe Lewis was suggesting meditation as meaning our spoken word to express our thoughts. I could be wrong, but it is just a thought. We fail to express our thoughts to others, I am guilty of this often. I listen more than I talk on many occasions.

All of that being said, when you step into someone’s personal space in America with a smile on your face or a question… the stories can often be amazing and troubling at the same time. In reality, I think people crave for their walls to be broken and personal spaces to be destroyed.

Is that crazy sounding? Well, I am a little weird – I guess.

Photo taken in Nashville, Tennessee. I stepped into her personal space and instead of backing away from my camera lens, she smiled.

Tell everyone I am blessed

“Mr. Scott, tell everyone I am doing good and the Lord blessed me,” he said. “I have a job,” he told me on the phone.

You may recall the photo I took of Daniel about one week ago. He was the man we found living on a bench behind the Department of Human Services office in downtown Nashville. He is now living in a motel and calls it his very own apartment. He paid for it with his disability money, which he will have enough to cover a total of two weeks. His new job means his first paycheck will land in his account in exactly two weeks, which should cover the cost of another two weeks at the motel.

When I visited him on Sunday, a few friends and I bought him a grocery cart full of food that we let him pick out. Aisle by aisle he said, “I’ll get whatever you think I should have – I’m just so thankful because no one has ever done this for me before.” We wanted to make sure that he smelled good for his new job too, so we were sure to buy deodorant, aftershave, shampoo and a razor and shaving cream.

Before leaving the store we bought bread, sandwich meat and condiments for a homeless man sitting on the curb in front of the grocery store. I said, “Daniel, this is for him [pointing while holding the bag up] – you give it to him.” Daniel walked it over and shook the man’s hand and smiled from ear to ear. “How did that feel,” I asked? “Oh, it felt great – just blessing others because I have blessings,” he said with confidence.

What you don’t know about Daniel is quite intense. At age 10 he was raped by a male family member. He still battles with the thoughts of that happening today. That family member was never arrested nor investigated, according to Daniel. He was also raped as an adult when he was in his thirties multiple times. His mother, whom he lived with, then died and he was on the streets from that point on. While in his forties and living on the streets he was attacked not only inside the Nashville Rescue Mission, but also on the streets of Davidson County.

As a child, Daniel spent his days in special education classes. His I.Q. is 65. According to the American Association on Mental Retardation, Daniel would be classified as having a mild mental retardation. The organization claims that he can acquire academic skills up to a 6th grade level and in some cases live independently with community and social support. However, he lacks both.

The question now: Can someone help Daniel find counseling services in Nashville at no cost? He is currently receiving help through a state contracted counseling office, but that has proved to be an utter failure for Daniel. He needs serious therapy as he also battles schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder. Daniel told me he has been without his medication for two months. He will be seeing his regular doctor this week to get back on the needed medications, but counseling to deal with the rapes is priority.

He got an apartment

It was around April of this year that I was visiting a boarded up hotel in Nashville that was shut down in 2012 by order of the city due to it being a public nuisance. Prostitution, drug sales and out of hand parties were just a few of the problems that had occurred in the past at the Harding Road Inn. After it was shut down, about 30 homeless in the area took advantage of the shelter and made it their home.

While at the hotel in April, my friend Jason Bennett said to me that we needed to call his friend Ingrid McIntyre to see if we can get some of these folks off the street and into a real apartment of their own. Knowing that we were battling addiction and mental illness in the hotel, I knew it was a tall order to get all of them off the street. However, Jason was not going to let the idea of only some wanting their own place stop him from at least trying.

One of the many folks living in the hotel was a man named Tony whom I first met in 2013. I knew that he had multiple health problems, so I concentrated on simply walking with him on his journey to a better life. His story started many years ago as a child when his father took him out of school so that he could help with the home business in the hills of East Tennessee. That family business… moonshine.

Tony, who cannot read or write, told me that he remembers his childhood a little differently than most of us. As a 10-year old he would carry bags of sugar across rivers that were waist high and then up the side of what looked to be a mountain at his age. That sugar was being delivered to his father who was hidden deep in the woods making his homemade moonshine that would later be sold to folks in nearby cities.

Later in life Tony’s father passed away and he found himself in the construction trade. He got married to the love of his life and he lived a normal life, despite his childhood being out of the norm. His wife was later diagnosed with cancer after about ten or so years of marriage. She eventually died and Tony emotionally fell apart. His drinking went from weekly to daily and eventually hourly. He told me how much he loved her and how empty he felt without her. Years passed by and Tony found himself on the streets of Nashville living in a wooded area, then a boarded up hotel and eventually behind a gas station after the hotel caught fire. No tent, no change of clothing and no money. His only valuable possession was a food stamp card and the owner of the Shell Gas Station on Harding Road whom helped him stay afloat. The owners of the gas station allowed him to sleep on a concrete pad behind the store and always checked on him or called for help if he needed to be hospitalized due to his ongoing health issues.

His story is not over yet as he just got into his brand new apartment thanks to the help of Ingrid McIntyre, Lauren Plummer and Open Table Nashville. While he only has a bed and a chair, he told me that when he looked out HIS window and saw the rain the other day, he thanked God that he was not in it. Tony, who is 58, is taking life day by day as he ends his drinking and aims to become healthier.

Going back to the Harding Inn, it is now empty. An arsonist with a grudge against some of the residents burned those who were left out. Only a portion of the hotel stands today. By the way that arsonist, also a resident in the hotel, was tracked down within minutes of police arrival the day the fire broke out. It did not take officers long to locate the man because he had monitoring device strapped to his ankle as he was a convicted sex offender.

We take teeth for granted

Her father died of cancer in 1994. About three years later, her mother died.

Heather basically became homeless on the night of her high school prom, the night that was supposed to be one the most memorable became one of the most unbearable. During the night of her prom, her mother took her very last breath due to cancer – just three years after her father died of the same disease. From that night on, she had few places to go.

She later got married and eventually had a daughter. Her husband proved to be abusive knocking her teeth out so the relationship came to a close.

When I met Heather near a wooded area that she calls home today, she told me that teeth would give her self-esteem and confidence as she tries to rebuild.

I turned to Dr. Jess Sinquefield who has helped others who were homeless in the past. Knowing this would be an expensive undertaking for the staff atSinquefield Family Dentistry, I was unsure as to what his reaction would be when I asked if he could help Heather.

I was excited when Dr. Sinquefield told me that he would be happy to help Heather and expect nothing in return, not even a penny.

Heather just turned 38 and today she has a new job, a new found confidence and a smile that beams from ear to ear. Her teeth are as white as snow and she is excited about life, despite where she lives today.

Her next goal is aimed at getting an apartment and her daughter back. She also has dreams of going back to school and becoming a nurse. She told me that she also loves animals so may consider going into the field of veterinary practices. Regardless of what she picks, she will be helping others.

I have to say that despite of her living situation, I have seen her with her daughter and she is one of the best mothers I have ever seen. Heather's daughter is extremely well mannered, kind and loving. I am excited for the next chapter in her life.

The late Dr. Stephen Covey once stated, "Do not tie yourself to your past; tie yourself to your potential."